What Guys Care About

Recently the woman I’m dating asked if I liked her new shoes. They were black and looked exactly like the other 37 pairs in her closet. Of course I didn’t say that, instead fervently supporting her choice, but it got me to thinking its high time a guy wrote a list of the things men really care about. Contribute your additions in the comment section!

Which jeans you wear –

He probably can’t name the brand and chances are he couldn’t even pick them out of your closet but your man totally loves the way you look in a certain pair of jeans you have. When I mentioned this to the woman I’m seeing she said “I know exactly which ones you like because you always grab my butt when I wear them.”.

Your friends’ opinion of us –

We know you report back to your friends about our behavior, from romantic gestures to royal screw ups. And they listen and pass judgment like a Relationship Board of Director’s– so if they’re not impressed by our performance we’re aware. And concerned.

Your ex-boyfriend –

We don’t seek information about your last beau but, if the opportunity presents itself to gain some insight, watch us perk up. Is that a picture with your ex? We definitely take a look (and struggle with whether or not we want him to be handsome). You never told me you’ve been to France… um, with whom? Your roommate telling a story that involves your “old friend”? We catch every word.

Justin Timberlake –

He’s hooked up with all the women we’ve fantasized about and its annoying. Cameron, Janet, Scarlett and now Biel. If he goes near Kate Upton I’m making a citizen’s arrest.

How short your hair is-

Among the many sentences that can rattle a guy, “I got my haircut.” is right up there. Short hair scares us. Even if it is a good haircut we don’t like it when people can mistake you for a man from behind. So the next time you get your haircut and he doesn’t notice, rest assured that may be the best case scenario.

When the flowers we gave you die –

I have this theory that flowers last as long as the emotion that was behind them. If they are dead the next morning, he doesn’t really care. (This has come back to bite me as I once woke up next to my date and tried to initiate Round Two in the shadow of dead petunias). On the other hand, if they make it a few days it is meant to be. But, either way, once they die throw them out. Hanging them upside down in your bedroom is a little spooky. They’re dead. Let it go.

Giving you an orgasm-

I don’t think there is a man on the planet who doesn’t want to bring his woman to her happy place every time but with all the variables involved it seems like its not always up to us. When it does happen, we feel like a King. When it doesn’t, its pretty cool when you make it clear that you still really enjoyed yourself.

How comfortable your shoes are –

We care, but not for the reason you might think. When your shoes hurt, the whole night is affected. You walk slower, barefoot or we have to carry you. We would much rather you be an inch shorter and happy so we can all focus on having a good time.

Your journal –

My last girlfriend kept a journal and I was more than a little curious about it. What’s in there? Is she talking about me? It felt like a little secret record of what she is really thinking. What made me craziest is she would write in it after we had an argument. It felt like she was telling on me.

If you like our mom–

We like our moms and she likes us, so its really helpful if you like her too. And if you don’t, lie.

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